The Art of Messaging After a First Date: What to Text and When

First dates can be nerve-wracking, but sometimes figuring out what to do next can be even tougher. Should you be the first to text or wait for them to initiate contact? Send a humorous meme to kickstart the conversation? Let’s hear what the relationship experts have to say.

“It’s important to send a text after the first date to express your interest and gratitude for their time, presence, or for organizing (or covering the costs) of the evening,” suggests Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

But, what should you text, how should you phrase it, and most importantly when should you hit send? Don’t fret, we’ve got you covered! Enhance your dating tactics with these messaging tips.

Why Following Up with a Text Message After the First Date is Essential

Wondering why sending a text after your first date holds significance? According to Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love,” it is crucial to express appreciation or interest through a text message to pave the way for the next phase.

Let’s delve into the reasons why this simple gesture carries weight:

What to Message After the Initial Meeting: Recommendations and Mistakes

If you find yourself unsure of what to message your date, consider these guidelines for what to do and what to avoid.

Send a Follow-Up Text

Drop a quick message to express your interest and maintain the flow of conversation. You can consider sending:

Do: Bring up a Specific Detail

Bringing up a specific moment from your date can add a personal touch to your message. Here are some examples:

Allow your authentic self to shine through in your text, as if you are continuing the conversation from your date.

Keeping It Light and Positive

After a first date, it’s best to keep your text simple, light, and positive with a warm, casual message.

It could simply say:

It is advantageous to add some humor to your text! Studies indicate that a sense of humor is a valuable quality people look for in a partner.

Do: Mirror Their Communication Style

When they initiate a conversation, mirror their communication style to avoid any discomfort. For example:

Studies have shown that matching communication styles can enhance mutual attraction.2

Be Truthful About Your Emotions

Being honest about your emotions is crucial. Open and clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and confusing signals.

Based on the outcome of the date, you can express:

Don’t: Overthink It

Avoid overthinking and making the conversation overly complicated. For example, when at an initial stage of dating, there is no requirement to provide extensive details. Keep your messages concise yet meaningful. Maintain a polite and friendly tone while being genuine in your interactions.

Don’t Rush Into Deep Conversations

Engaging in intense discussions too quickly can be daunting. It’s essential to avoid overwhelming the other person by diving into complex topics prematurely:

Avoid Excessive Messaging

Sending multiple texts before receiving a response may be perceived as overbearing or needy. It is best to refrain from bombarding the recipient with consecutive messages like:

Don’t: Inquire About Their Romantic Past

You might find yourself curious about the individual and their dating history, but sending a text right after the date is far too early to bring up this topic. It’s best to save such in-depth conversations for a later time, once you have had the chance to build a stronger connection. Avoid asking questions like:

Avoid Sending Messages When Intoxicated

Sending texts while drunk can come across as strange, incoherent, or overly emotional, none of which are ideal after a first date. Therefore, refrain from texting them when you are under the influence. Waking up to realize you sent an embarrassing message is the last thing you want.

Simply put, if you are feeling tipsy and contemplating texting someone… just don’t do it.

When to Reach Out After the Initial Encounter

Dropping a brief message after the rendezvous indicates your enthusiasm, while delaying it might suggest otherwise. An example of what you could send is: “I enjoyed our time together—thank you for organizing such a enjoyable evening!”

The old-fashioned three-day guideline is no longer applicable. Nowadays, it is more suitable to text your companion within a day of the date, especially if it was pleasant and you wish to meet again. A simple text later that night or the following morning can maintain the positive vibes.

Acting promptly is often preferable, but this does not mean bombarding them with messages right after the date. Waiting for about an hour after your encounter and sending a message like: “I had a lovely time today. I hope you arrived home safely.”

Avoid prolonged delays of a week or more followed by a casual “Hey,” since it may convey disinterest.

How to Assess Their Interest Via Text Messages

By observing how the individual reacts to your text messages, you can gain valuable insights into their level of enthusiasm for a potential follow-up meeting. Relationship specialists have shared their recommendations on the subsequent steps to take based on the recipient’s response.

What to Do If They Respond Positively

If your date reacts favorably—whether with enthusiasm, emojis, or by continuing the conversation—it indicates they may have a positive impression of you and are interested in meeting again. Here are some steps you can take next:

How to Handle a Lukewarm Response

If your date gives a lukewarm response, such as short answers, delayed replies, or a simple “thank you,” it may indicate a lack of interest. Here are some steps you can take next:

What to Do If They Respond Negatively

It can be disheartening if the person responds negatively and rejects you. Here are some tips on how to manage this situation:

What to Do If You Don’t Receive a Response to Your Text

If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t hear back after sending a text, it can be unsettling. Here are some tips on how to navigate this situation with poise:

Keep in Mind

Texting after your initial date may present challenges, but it is an opportunity to gauge mutual interest. Whether you are interested or not, maintain a composed demeanor and avoid overanalyzing the situation. Be authentic, keep the conversation light, and have faith in the natural progression of things. If the other person shares your sentiments, their actions will reflect it. If not, handle the outcome gracefully.