Dealing with jealousy can be challenging, whether it stems from feeling envious of a friend’s success or insecurity in a romantic relationship. Jealousy involves perceiving a threat to a personal bond, which can lead to irrational thoughts and actions. Individuals may feel resentment towards someone they believe is interfering with the affection of a loved one.1
This emotion often brings along feelings of resentment, anger, inadequacy, and bitterness. While jealousy is a common experience, it can evolve into a harmful emotion that detrimentally affects relationships. It can manifest in varying degrees of intensity, with severe jealousy potentially leading to issues such as mistrust, paranoia, abuse, or even physical violence.
Understanding Envy and Jealousy
This article delves into the distinctions between envy and jealousy, delving into the causes behind these emotions and the potential impacts they can have on individuals. It further examines strategies for effectively handling these emotions and recognizing when professional assistance may be necessary.
Characteristics of Envy
While envy is often seen as a negative feeling, it is a natural emotion to encounter in an intimate relationship. Envy can present itself in various forms, such as suspicious envy or reactive envy.
Envy can trigger other emotions or sentiments. Psychiatrist Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD, elaborates on how envy can appear in relationships:
Complications of Envy
Envy is a common emotion that can have both positive and negative effects. While a healthy amount of envy can remind us to value our relationships, excessive envy can strain the relationship’s quality.
Envy can trigger physical changes in the body, as noted by Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios. When envy surfaces, the following physical symptoms may manifest:
Envy can be a sudden reaction or a gradually escalating emotion, particularly in situations where we feel our relationships are at risk.
Identifying Envy
Recognizing envy can be tricky, as it often masquerades as different emotions such as frustration, insecurity, abandonment, embarrassment, and resentment.
When experiencing these emotions, it is essential to communicate your feelings, concerns, or fears to your partner to ensure they understand where you are coming from. However, reacting impulsively by yelling, making demands, or accusing them of things can also be a sign of envy.
Envy can cause extreme behaviors, especially when feeling insecure about oneself or the relationship. It is crucial to find healthy ways to manage envy for your own well-being.
What Triggers Jealousy?
Jealousy is not a random emotion; it arises from a combination of psychological and socio-economic factors. It is often sparked by deep-rooted fears, hidden insecurities, and external influences.
Your susceptibility to jealousy can also be influenced by your personality and attachment style. High levels of dependency in a relationship can heighten feelings of jealousy.
Numerous situations can elicit feelings of jealousy. Some common examples include:
Feeling envious when a loved one dedicates a significant amount of time to a specific friend, engages in lengthy conversations with a coworker in your presence, or when a partner acknowledges someone else’s achievements but not yours. Another scenario is feeling jealous when a coworker receives a promotion while you do not.
Jealousy and Psychological Well-being
Certain psychological disorders can contribute to feelings of jealousy. Some conditions that may be associated with this emotion include:
If you are grappling with severe jealousy and other signs that lead to discomfort or disrupt your daily functioning, it is crucial to seek guidance from your healthcare provider or mental health specialist.
Types of Envy
Within the realm of envy, there exist two primary categories: normal and abnormal envy. According to Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, there are six main types:
Research on heterosexual romantic partnerships indicates that males often experience envy regarding a third party’s dominance and are particularly worried about sexual betrayal. In contrast, females typically experience envy regarding a third party’s attractiveness and are more concerned about emotional betrayal.
Jealousy vs. Envy
Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably, but they have distinct meanings and traits.
Jealousy involves the apprehension that a third party may disrupt a relationship, while envy entails a longing to possess what someone else has.
Although jealousy and envy are different, they share similarities, leading to confusion. Both emotions can stem from insecurity, with jealousy potentially causing someone to envy their perceived rival.
Jealousy can trigger feelings of insecurity in a relationship, while envy may provoke feelings of inadequacy in oneself.
Fear of losing one’s possessions
Often results in anger and resentment
Arises from a sense of competition
Fear of losing something one possesses
Belief that someone possesses what one desires
Frequently prompts a desire for change
Born out of comparison
A craving for what one lacks
Treatment for Jealousy
Jealousy is a common human emotion, but when it becomes excessive, it can lead to dangerous situations. If you are struggling with morbid jealousy characterized by irrational, extreme, or obsessive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, seeking treatment is crucial.
If underlying mental health conditions like anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia are contributing to your jealousy, it is advisable to seek help from a mental health professional who can tailor treatment options to your specific needs.
The primary treatment options typically recommended include:
Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy can be beneficial in altering the thoughts that fuel jealousy. Two types of therapy that show promise are:
Specific techniques that may be effective include cognitive restructuring and cognitive reframing. These methods focus on altering one’s perspective on situations and relationships. While reframing can be done independently, restructuring is a more organized and guided process typically overseen by a qualified therapist.
Medications
Prescribed medications can be used to assist in controlling symptoms related to jealousy, especially when coupled with other conditions like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Commonly recommended medications include:
The treatment approach will differ based on the specific type of jealousy you are encountering and how it is being displayed. If left unattended, abnormal jealousy can result in feelings of distrust, paranoia, or potential abusive behavior.
Coping With Jealousy
If you fail to effectively manage feelings of jealousy, it can put a strain on your relationships and potentially harm them. If jealousy is starting to affect your mental well-being or your connections with others, it is advisable to implement the coping strategies recommended by Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios. These strategies can be found in forty healthy coping skills.
Confront Your Fears
Jealousy may arise from feelings of insecurity or a negative self-image, underscoring the importance of facing your fears. These fears might involve concerns about losing your partner or anxiety about not measuring up. By identifying and acknowledging these fears, you can begin to work through them, as they frequently serve as the root cause of jealousy.
Address Your Expectations
In any relationship, it’s crucial to establish practical expectations regarding the time your partner can dedicate to you. Instead of assigning fault if they fall short, collaborate to create more attainable expectations that work for both of you.
Practice Gratitude
Expressing appreciation and thankfulness can have a significant impact on altering your perspective, feelings, and emotional state. Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios emphasizes reflecting on the positive aspects of life and acknowledging the blessings you have received.
Embrace Transparency and Authenticity
Healthy connections are built on effective communication. When feelings of jealousy surface, Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios recommends engaging in a transparent and sincere dialogue about your emotions.
Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, MD
Attempt to address miscommunications with empathy and shared confidence.
Practice Mindfulness
Negative emotions can have an impact on your overall well-being, both physically and mentally. Consider engaging in mindfulness meditation as a way to cope with feelings of jealousy or other negative emotions like anger and resentment.
Building and maintaining positive relationships involves open communication, setting clear expectations, and fostering trust and understanding. If jealousy starts to pose a challenge, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial.
Key Points to Remember
Recognizing jealousy is a valuable skill that can help you address it effectively. When jealousy arises, consider utilizing various coping strategies. It’s essential to note that jealousy should never serve as a justification for engaging in manipulative or abusive behavior.
If your current coping mechanisms prove ineffective, or if jealousy starts to negatively impact your relationship, whether real or perceived, seeking counseling may be beneficial. Counseling can provide a safe space to explore underlying relationship issues that need attention.
Research on Jealousy and Its Impacts
A study by Ritchie LL and van Anders SM explores the differential effects of jealousy on testosterone levels. The research, published in Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology in 2015, delves into the nuanced aspects of jealousy beyond surface observations.
Another significant contribution comes from Pollet TV and Saxton TK, who investigated jealousy in relation to rival characteristics. Their research, published in the journal Pers Soc Psychol Bull in 2020, highlights gender differences in reactions to rival attractiveness but not dominance.
Seeman MV sheds light on pathological jealousy as an interactive condition in a paper published in Psychiatry in 2016. The study emphasizes the complex nature of pathological jealousy and its psychological implications.
Furthermore, Sheikhmoonesi F provides insights into obsessional jealousy through a narrative literature review published in the Iranian Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences in 2017. This review offers a comprehensive examination of obsessional jealousy from a psychological perspective.
The Relationship Between Anxiety and Insomnia
Anxiety and insomnia are closely linked, with anxiety often leading to sleep disturbances. The Enlightened Mind explores the intricate relationship between these two conditions and how they can impact each other.
Understanding Anxiety and Insomnia
Anxiety is a common mental health issue characterized by feelings of worry, fear, and unease. Insomnia, on the other hand, is a sleep disorder that makes it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep. When these two conditions coexist, they can create a vicious cycle, with anxiety keeping you awake at night and lack of sleep worsening your anxiety symptoms.
How Anxiety Affects Sleep
Anxiety can disrupt your sleep in various ways. Racing thoughts, constant worry, and physical symptoms like muscle tension can make it hard to relax and drift off to sleep. Additionally, anxiety can cause hyperarousal, making it challenging to transition from wakefulness to sleep.
How Insomnia Impacts Anxiety
On the other hand, chronic sleep deprivation due to insomnia can exacerbate anxiety symptoms. Lack of sleep can increase irritability, moodiness, and difficulty concentrating, all of which can contribute to heightened anxiety levels. Sleep deprivation can also make it harder to cope with stress and manage anxious thoughts.
Breaking the Cycle
To break the cycle of anxiety and insomnia, it is essential to address both conditions simultaneously. This may involve seeking help from mental health professionals, practicing relaxation techniques, improving sleep hygiene, and possibly using medications to manage symptoms. By treating both anxiety and insomnia, you can improve your overall well-being and quality of life.
