How to Sustain Fresh Relationship Energy Beyond the Initial Excitement
New Relationship Energy is truly a magical feeling that many cherish. When you and your partner are in sync, and the emotional bond is deepening, there is simply nothing like it.
“New relationship energy is often described as the intense thrill, elation, and almost electric sensation that typically occurs at the start of a romantic partnership,” explains Kristin Papa, LCSW, a therapist and the creator of Living Openhearted Therapy and Wellness.
This energy drives you to want to spend every moment with your partner. It’s the reason why being with them can make your skin tingle and your heart overflow. It’s all about those heart-fluttering moments and the late-night conversations that seem to never end.
Building a Lasting Connection
NRE plays a crucial role in relationships by cultivating a strong bond that lays the foundation for a lasting connection. The heightened emotions and attraction associated with NRE can lead to increased intimacy, both emotionally and physically, according to Papa.
Navigating Changes in NRE
Although the euphoric feeling of new relationship energy is enchanting, it is not perpetual. Over time, these intense emotions tend to diminish as reality sets in. It is completely normal and expected for the initial spark to fade as the relationship evolves.
Sustaining the Spark
Despite the natural fading of NRE over time, there are deliberate actions you can take to maintain that spark in your relationship for the long term. Relationship experts offer insights on how to preserve and nurture new relationship energy beyond the honeymoon phase.
Understanding New Relationship Energy (NRE)
At the beginning of a romantic relationship, The Enlightened Mind explains that individuals may encounter new relationship energy (NRE). This phase is characterized by an intense emotional and physical bond fueled by neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin that are released as a result of falling in love.
These chemicals influence the brain’s reward system, leading to a sense of satisfaction when spending time with the new partner and creating a strong desire for their companionship.
Kate Engler, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Therapist
Experiencing new love can trigger the brain’s reward systems similarly to the effects of drug use, leading to the intense and exhilarating feeling of New Relationship Energy (NRE).
Kate Engler, a licensed couples and sex therapist at Three Points Relationships, highlights the various factors that influence how individuals perceive and engage with this phase of heightened energy at the beginning of a new relationship.
Novelty
“Every aspect of the individual is fresh and unfamiliar, making it unique and distinct from our usual experiences. When we encounter new individuals, our brains naturally become stimulated,” Engler notes.
In typical situations, this process serves to safeguard us from harm. However, it operates differently when we are experiencing love.
“The brain chemicals that are activated to shield us from danger manifest as heightened emotions and intensity,” Engler elaborates. “It feels like being nervously excited about going on a roller coaster, as opposed to feeling nervously anxious about a test.”
The Brain’s Reward System
Physical and sexual chemistry contribute to intensifying feelings of new relationship energy. The brain’s reward system also plays a crucial role in magnifying these emotions.
“Experiencing new love also triggers the brain’s reward circuits similarly to being under the influence of drugs, explaining why NRE can be so exhilarating and why individuals may chase after it like a drug, constantly pursuing that sensation and withdrawing when it diminishes,” Engler explains.
Increased Susceptibility
According to The Enlightened Mind, specific regions of our brains show decreased activity when we experience love. This includes areas associated with critical analysis and the ability to differentiate between our own thoughts, feelings, and actions and those of others. This diminished activity allows us to lower our defenses, be open to vulnerability in ways we usually wouldn’t, and intensify the sense of mutual connection or unity.
How Long Does New Relationship Energy Last?
New relationship energy, often referred to as NRE, typically spans from six months to two years, though this timeframe can differ based on the individuals involved and the relationship dynamics.2 Over time, this intense phase gradually diminishes as the brain reverts to its usual state. The heightened emotions at the start of the relationship transition into a more stable, enduring form of love characterized by increased intimacy and a sense of commitment.
While this shift is a natural progression, it may raise concerns or feelings of disappointment for some partners. You might fear that something is amiss, that the relationship is becoming mundane, or that the initial spark has faded.
It’s vital to recognize that this evolution does not signify the disappearance of passion; rather, it presents an opportunity for the relationship to grow closer, deeper, and more meaningful. Even if you no longer experience the intense whirlwind of emotions, there are steps you can take to maintain the vitality that made the early stages of your relationship unique.
How Do These Feelings Impact Us?
The Enlightened Mind notes that the feelings experienced during new relationship energy are generally positive. These emotions, such as happiness, contentment, and well-being, contribute to building fulfilling relationships. The surge of chemicals associated with falling in love not only elevates mood but also boosts energy levels and overall well-being.
Activities such as running errands or leisurely shopping with your new partner can become extraordinary during this euphoric phase.
Furthermore, this positive energy can enhance relationships. Couples infused with this energy tend to be more affectionate and communicative, spending quality time together. This closeness fosters emotional bonds and mutual understanding. The intense desire to truly understand the other person cultivates empathy, concern, and care, laying the groundwork for a lasting relationship.
It is essential to maintain a balance by infusing this new relationship energy with a healthy dose of realism, keeping in mind that the intense emotions of this phase will evolve over time.
Striking a Balance in the Hooking Up Stage
Maintaining a sense of balance is crucial during the hooking up stage to enjoy the positive aspects of relationships without compromising your own wellness or connections with friends.
Managing Fresh Relationship Energy
To handle the excitement of a new relationship in a positive and healthy manner, it is essential to focus on self-awareness, effective communication, and purposeful actions. While the intense emotions may be exhilarating, taking a thoughtful approach to managing your reactions can contribute to building a lasting foundation. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this fresh relationship energy:
Set Clear Boundaries
Getting caught up in the excitement of a new relationship can be overwhelming. The Enlightened Mind recommends establishing boundaries and balancing your time with your new partner and other relationships. Instead of reshaping your entire life around your new partner, gradually incorporate them into your existing routines.
Creating harmony between your romantic relationship and other aspects of your life, such as work, hobbies, friendships, and family connections, is crucial.
Deliberately allocate time for your current commitments, relationships, and responsibilities. By prioritizing other areas of your life, you prevent neglecting them and maintain your independence while nurturing the new relationship.
Communicate Your Desires
When experiencing the excitement of a new relationship, it’s easy to overlook your own needs and desires in order to please your partner. However, it is crucial to openly discuss your thoughts and expectations to maintain a healthy relationship.
“A helpful approach to navigating the intensity of a new relationship is to communicate openly with your partner about the pace of the relationship and express your wants and expectations honestly. Establishing a foundation of honest communication early on can strengthen the bond between you both,” advises Kristin Papa, LCSW.
Engaging in open communication from the start sets a positive tone for the future of your relationship. Clear communication fosters deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual understanding, while also preventing any surprises or disappointments as the relationship progresses.
Manage Expectations
In the early stages of a relationship, everything may seem perfect due to the excitement and thrill. However, it is essential to acknowledge that no relationship is without its challenges.
While your partner’s quirks may currently be endearing, it is common for the initial allure to diminish over time. What once seemed insignificant may eventually become bothersome.
Setting realistic expectations and being mindful of potential warning signs and dealbreakers can help prevent minor annoyances from escalating into significant issues in your relationship.
It is important to understand that disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. Embracing imperfections and viewing them as opportunities to enhance your bond can strengthen the connection as your relationship evolves.
Embrace the Excitement
New relationship energy is a unique phase in a romantic relationship, so it is important to fully embrace and relish it. This period is fleeting, so allow yourself to appreciate the joy of discovering this person and the emotions that accompany falling in love.
Make sure to create cherished memories with your new partner during this time – moments that you can fondly reminisce about in the future and reignite the same passion as your relationship evolves.
Common Relationship Challenges
While it’s crucial to enjoy the honeymoon phase, it’s also essential to be mindful of potential pitfalls and difficulties that may arise during this period. Identifying these issues can help you navigate them effectively and avoid them causing significant obstacles in your relationship.
The honeymoon phase is characterized by the excitement of new experiences. However, individuals can sometimes be so caught up in the euphoria that they overlook obvious warning signs.
Some common challenges during this phase include:
Transitioning from the initial thrill of the relationship to the reality of sustaining it for the long term can be challenging. You may encounter difficulties or feel inclined to end the relationship to recapture the initial excitement.
Healthy relationships are built on interdependence. Partners acknowledge the importance of their emotional connection while maintaining strong individual identities. They understand the value they bring to the relationship without compromising their personal beliefs or sense of self.
Balancing NRE and Long-Term Commitments
In the early stages of a relationship, we typically show a lot of care and attention to our partners. According to Engler, this involves being present without distractions, planning enjoyable dates, and being genuinely interested in each other to maintain the New Relationship Energy (NRE).
As the relationship progresses and becomes more stable, the intense emotions of NRE often diminish as the brain chemicals stabilize. This transition may lead to taking the partner for granted.
Long-term relationships often require a delicate balance of fostering security and safety while injecting novelty and excitement into the connection.
Studies indicate that the routine of daily life can erode the initial spark of NRE. Monotony, stress, and everyday responsibilities can strain the relationship, making it challenging to sustain the honeymoon phase energy, potentially leading to conflicts and relationship issues.
To preserve the electrifying energy of a new relationship even as NRE transitions into a deeper, enduring phase, it is possible to balance passion and stability without compromising either aspect.
How to Keep Your Relationship Exciting
Here are some strategies to maintain a sense of freshness and excitement in your relationship, regardless of its duration:
Bring Freshness to Your Relationship
Your relationship can stay vibrant and engaging by continually seeking new experiences together. The Enlightened Mind suggests that couples can engage in novel activities, plan surprise dates or gestures, and explore unfamiliar places as a pair. This approach can add a sense of playfulness and fun, revitalizing the relationship with fresh energy.
Engaging in new activities is a great way to create lasting memories, have a good time, and make the bond between partners more thrilling.
According to Engler, novelty in relationships does not always have to involve extreme adventures. Simple changes, such as a different setting or a break from the routine, like having dinner on the porch or discovering a new show to watch together, can also inject excitement into the partnership.
Seek Quality Time Together
A significant aspect of that initial spark in a relationship involves the desire to spend quality time together. As time goes by, life’s responsibilities and pressures can sometimes hinder this. Papa emphasizes the importance of finding opportunities to connect.
“Couples who prioritize both physical and emotional closeness and actively foster connection increase the chances of sustaining that initial spark in the relationship,” she suggests. To achieve this, she recommends regularly scheduling date nights and engaging in open and honest conversations about each other’s needs and desires.
Stay Engaged and Communicate Actively
Active communication plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Research suggests that honing effective communication skills is a powerful way to enhance intimacy in relationships.4
Just like in the early days of a relationship when you were eager to engage in conversations and share thoughts, staying curious, asking questions, and showing genuine interest in each other can help preserve that initial spark even as time passes.
“The excitement in the beginning often comes from discovering more about your partner—it’s part of the thrill of New Relationship Energy (NRE),” Engler explains. As relationships progress, there may be a tendency to feel like you already know everything about your partner.
Regardless of how well you think you know your partner, people evolve over time, offering opportunities for new discoveries and shared experiences. To facilitate deeper connections, Engler suggests trying out {THE AND} Couples Edition, a card game designed to enhance intimacy.
Embrace Vulnerability
Engler emphasizes that embracing vulnerability can nurture connections and reignite passion in relationships. Engaging in relationship games can facilitate deeper and more meaningful conversations. Engler also recommends using the well-known “36 questions to fall in love” created by Dr. Arthur Arons as a valuable resource.
Appreciate Your Partner
Time can sometimes lead us to overlook the small gestures that matter. Sustaining the initial spark in a relationship involves consciously showing gratitude and acknowledging the qualities you admire in your partner.
Research indicates that recognizing and valuing your partner’s expressions of gratitude can significantly enhance relationship contentment. Feeling appreciated by one’s partner contributes to greater satisfaction within the relationship.5
Cultivate New Social Bonds as a Couple
Building friendships with other couples can provide not only emotional support but also enhance the bond between partners. According to research cited by Engler, couples with a network of couple friends tend to report higher relationship satisfaction levels.6
Engler explains, “Interacting with other couple friends allows individuals to view their own partners from a fresh perspective, fostering deeper appreciation and affection toward each other.”
Keep in Mind
The initial intense feelings of a new relationship may feel addictive, but it’s common for these emotions to evolve into a deeper, committed love as time goes on. However, it is possible to maintain some of that fresh energy even in long-term relationships.
Experts in mental health recommend nurturing your relationship by incorporating elements like novelty, gratitude towards your partner, and embracing vulnerability.
Remember, successful relationships strike a balance between excitement and stability. Cultivate a trustworthy connection that retains a sense of newfound love.
It’s natural for relationships to evolve over time, experiencing both moments of excitement and periods of fatigue, annoyance, or boredom. Adapting and growing alongside your partner ensures a resilient bond that endures life’s various stages.
