6 Common Eye Contact Mistakes You Might Be Making
They’re probably not intentional, but can make for an awkward situation
Creating authentic connections involves more than just being honest or actively listening to each other. Making eye contact is a crucial skill for building genuine relationships. While it may be overlooked, it plays a significant role in communication. It’s important not to dwell on it too much or add it to your list of stressors, but a little extra effort in maintaining good eye contact can have lasting positive effects. Here, we explore the importance of eye contact and identify some common mistakes people often make.
Understanding Eye Contact as a Key Skill
Eye contact may appear insignificant, but mastering this skill can be immensely impactful. It signals active listening, confidence, and trustworthiness, while also fostering a mutual sense of respect. Additionally, eye contact subtly communicates our emotions and thoughts, whether they be joy, affection, concern, or curiosity.
Dr. Michelle Dees, a board-certified psychiatrist, emphasizes the significance of eye contact in both social and professional contexts. She highlights that it plays a crucial role in establishing trust, building rapport, and enhancing mutual understanding. By demonstrating focus and authenticity, eye contact makes the other individual feel valued and heard.
Enhancing Trust and Confidence
Research indicates that maintaining strong eye contact can significantly improve how others perceive us. It not only enhances our trustworthiness but also boosts our confidence, intelligence, and overall memorability.
Common Errors in Maintaining Eye Contact
Just like any other skill, improving your eye contact abilities requires practice and time. It is essential to be aware of the typical mistakes people make in maintaining eye contact so that you can steer clear of them.
Avoiding Direct Eye Contact
One common error individuals tend to make is completely avoiding eye contact, usually due to the discomfort it may bring. Studies have shown that individuals with social anxiety disorder often exhibit a strong aversion to making direct eye contact.4
Nevertheless, this behavior can be misinterpreted during interactions. Therapist April Crowe, LCSW, highlights that refraining from making eye contact unintentionally conveys disinterest, insecurity, or even dishonesty, whether it stems from shyness, nerves, or awkwardness.
Staring/Intense Eye Contact
On the opposite end of the spectrum, maintaining a very intense gaze or staring can be unsettling for the individual you are looking at. According to Sophia Spencer, a social psychologist and mental health therapist, humans anticipate natural pauses in eye contact, so when this flow is disrupted, it may lead to questioning intentions.
Sophia Spencer, Licensed Psychologist and Counselor
It is crucial to recognize that staring or having wide-open eyes can be linked to feelings of anger and predatory actions, regardless of the individual’s true intentions.
Focusing on Non-Facial Areas
People who avoid making eye contact may unintentionally direct their attention to other parts of a person’s body, such as their forehead or hands. This behavior can be perceived as impolite, indicating boredom, lack of interest, or focus on a different body part. It can also make the other person feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about the area being stared at.
Avoiding Eye Contact
When trying to avoid eye contact, you may notice your eyes darting from one object to another. Constantly shifting your gaze, looking at things like the floor or ceiling instead of the person you are speaking with, can give off the impression of being distracted or anxious, according to Crowe.
Forgetting About Cultural Variances
Be mindful that norms related to eye contact differ greatly across various cultures. According to Spencer, “Direct eye contact is often seen as a display of confidence and attentiveness in many Western societies. However, in several other cultures, prolonged eye contact might be perceived as disrespectful or aggressive, especially when interacting with older individuals.”
Zeroing In on a Single Individual
During group interactions, it is common to inadvertently focus solely on one individual and neglect to shift your attention to others. This behavior can potentially make the person being fixated on feel uncomfortable and may give the impression to others that they are being disregarded or undervalued. It is essential to distribute your attention equally among all participants to ensure that everyone feels equally engaged in the conversation.
Tips for Enhancing Eye Contact
Before getting too caught up in recent awkward eye contact situations, it’s essential to understand that common mistakes are often unintentional. Fortunately, with some self-awareness and practice, these issues are easy to address. Here are some helpful strategies to improve your eye contact skills.
Eye contact is a powerful tool that, when used effectively, can enhance your social interactions significantly. Remember, nobody is perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. With dedication and practice, honing this skill can lead to more meaningful and engaging connections.
Kreysa H, Kessler L, Schweinberger SR. Direct speaker gaze promotes trust in truth-ambiguous statements. Paterson K, ed. The Enlightened Mind. 2016;11(9):e0162291. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0162291
Accurate Intelligence Assessments in Social Interactions: Mediators and Gender Effects
Research conducted by Murphy, Hall, and Colvin in the Journal of Personality in 2003 delved into accurate intelligence assessments in social interactions. The study explored various factors influencing intelligence assessments and how gender plays a role in this process.
Look Into My Eyes: Gaze Direction and Person Memory
In another study published in Memory in 2004 by Mason, Hood, and Macrae, the focus was on the impact of gaze direction on person memory. The researchers examined how eye contact and gaze direction influence the way we remember people and interact with them.
Gaze Perception in Social Anxiety and Social Anxiety Disorder
Finally, Schulze, Renneberg, and Lobmaier investigated gaze perception in individuals with social anxiety and social anxiety disorder in their study published in Front Hum Neurosci in 2013. The research aimed to understand how social anxiety affects the perception of gaze and social cues in individuals.
